President? I'm a Bad Bad President :)

Today I just realized, I'm a pretty bad president

Why? Honestly, I'm quite bad at following conventional pre-made methods

Yeah, really, one look at my club and you won't really notice that its Rotaract

Because a year ago when I became president

I was given a blank canvas

And I decided to paint it with something else instead of the Rotaract sign

Strange, isn't it?

Again I'll say, I'm quite bad at following pre-made conventional methods of doing things

I prefer to experiment new things and break the rules

hence if you know my club well, you'll find we're pretty weird in many ways, such as the way we conduct meetings, etc etc

Right now I look at the members, and I feel, wow, they've really came quite a long journey with me, even though its not even a year yet since I recruited them.

Those that stayed, I really appreciate them, even though all the hard times have came upon us they still stayed.

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Think about it. Wouldn't it be more interesting this way?

I'm giving them freedom. Freedom to choose their path.

I didn't paint Rotaract on that blank canvas one year ago.

I painted things like hope, persistence, never giving up, and many other things that act as a much more reliable foundation.

Now, that my time is nearly over, when they do take over, they get to choose what they want to be, whether it be Rotaract or something else.

To me, Rotaract is just a name, you can do anything you wish to do, why restrict ourselves?

That's right, they will discover their own identity, sooner or later.

Isn't it more interesting that way?

We did accomplish much more in this one short year than in the previous years of Rotaract. Out of the 3 years of existence, this one was the most lively one.

It really did not make sense to me as to why I need to follow the conventional methods of Rotaract when my own ways suited the club so much better.

And I believe that in times to come they will be even better, even after I am long gone. I believe that much.

Why? Because important values like never giving up and believing and having hope are far more important than anything else.

Without those good values, then nothing good will come of the club. Really. The previous year it was just all about "who was right" and "who should be blamed" and "there's no members so we can't do any events"

Trust me when I say, having the right values come first before anything else.

Though, I have not been a perfect president. Many mistakes I have made. Many members I lost along the way. And you know what? It makes me treasure those who have followed all the way and stayed even more.

So yes, I am a bad president, if you look at it from a Rotaract aspect. I'm probably the lowest score among all presidents in that aspect

But I dare say that in other aspects I do score some good marks. I probably got 100 marks in unique-ness of running a club. Haha.....

So yeah, that pretty much sums up the truth about my presidency. Personally, it is actually much more satisfying than if I had to follow the Rotaract rules etc. I'd rather be a bad President than be a President that I'm not.

After all, I'm a rule-breaker :)

What Kind of a Person am I?

It's just one of those days where you feel motivated to write about something.

Have you ever wondered how much you understand yourself?

Lately, I've come to understand a few things about myself.

I'm starting to see myself more and more each year. Perhaps one day I'll fully grasp the concept of 'me'.

The first thing I noticed lately is that, I'm really the kind of guy who, gets excited over something very easily.

But because I get excited very easily, I also lose interest very easily.

So you'll find that in my history of my life, there are many unfinished projects. Things I wanted to do but never did.

Secondly, I'm the very extreme type. This means that I like to do things in extreme. For instance, I like food that is extremely spicy, sweet and salty. I just like things that have a very strong taste.

What I also mean by extreme is, when I do something, once I get focused on it, I don't stop. It's like momentum. For example, I'm the type that does projects last minute. That's why, once I start, I don't stop. I can keep doing it for 4-7 days. Or even longer, in my year 1 I think I spent an entire month not going out, just doing project at home. It's crazy I know. But that's who I am. I'm really not the type that does something and stops. Once I stop, I most of the time don't start again. So when I do something, I do it till the end.

So you see, sometimes I can go on a hiatus. You may see me going crazy over something, doing it over and over again for several days straight. It happened with climbing, badminton, games, so many more examples. But once I stop, I usually don't start again anymore.

In certain ways you can say it's like quitting. That's why this is one of my main concerns. My solution to it is to start and finish it without stopping. Like if I start a project, I must do it until the end with full focus without anything else disturbing me. That's my biggest challenge for this problem.

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What else have I discovered about myself?

Well, in relationships, I'm the type who is quite open-minded. I'm not that possessive of my partner. If I were to have one , that is. I will understand the boundaries. But because of this I may have some problem getting really close on a non-physical level to my spouse. I need to work harder in this aspect.

Also, I'm not the type who gets jealous that easily. I do get jealous, but only if its a very good reason to get jealous. I don't get jealous over small things that really aren't worth getting jealous about. So only for things that I feel is important to get jealous about. Oh yes, and I don't show my jealousy easily.

Ah yes, I also believe in respecting people who are in relationships. That is why, you will never see me try to get close to someone's girlfriend. Not in a little bit. I prefer to keep my distance. And I will never steal anyone's girlfriend. Ever. I'm really not that type. If I were to take someone's girl what does that make me? That's right. Also, if the girl really left another guy to be with me, are you sure that's really the type of girl you want to be with? She should make a clean breakup and perhaps wait for a few months or more before starting another relationship.

Also, if I were to go after a girl. I do it directly, but not in a very quick manner. I don't go and say "hey let's go on a date". I am the type who gets to know someone slowly first. Be friends first right? That's how I feel. When we're close enough things will happen naturally. Why rush it? Relationships are built based on stages. And it starts from friendship. Personally, it's how I think.

Another thing, when I do get rejected by a girl, I do feel sad, but I will let go of it. This applies for both direct rejecting or indirect rejection. Though until today, I've only been rejected indirectly, if I'm not mistaken. I do let it go, and I don't put any blame on the girl. Everyone has their freedom to choose who they want to be with. I mean, if someone doesn't love you in return it's really not right to force them to love you. So honestly, I'm the type where people can be direct with me. I'll accept the truth and move on. Simple as that. Don't worry about caring about my feelings. It would really hurt more if you lied to make me feel better. The truth hurts, but not as much as a lie. Because if you really cared about me, you know I deserve the truth. It's all I want.

One last thing about me when I'm in relationships.

I'm the monogamous type. What is monogamous? It means that you will only have one partner. Like you know, penguins are monogamous, once they find a partner they will stay together forever. Men in general are polygamous. They can have several women in their lives. By nature I should be polygamous, but I have a mind that can control my actions. So I am monogamous. I hope all guys out there will have the same mentality.

So in other words, I'm the loyal type. You won't see me two timing or cheating if I am in a relationship. That's just the type I am. If things don't work out I'll be sure to have a clean break up before moving on. We both deserve that much, I believe. If possible I'd want my first girlfriend to be my wife. So in a way I will be completely monogamous, having one partner throughout my lifetime. That's my ideal relationship life. Ya know?

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Also, when it comes to social life. I discovered one thing.

I'm not the type to get close to anybody. I have good friends, but never really best friends. I had really really good friends before, but never really onto the best friend level. If I had a best friend, then today we'd still be best friends. So... as of now I don't have one. I rest my case.

You never see me hang out with any particular gang. I'm usually one person walking around. It's like I can fit in anywhere, and I don't stay in one place for that long.

It's both good and bad. I never get too close to anyone. But because of that I also sometimes do feel alone. But not very severe case la, I'm still okay with it. It's just the feeling you know.... Sometimes when you have those regular friends you hang out with, I kind of want that feeling every once in a while. But deep down, I know I'm not the type who gets close to people easily. Some cases, if I'm too close I get uncomfortable. Then I will distance myself again.

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On life itself. I'd say I'm the type who is very sacrificial.

What do I mean? Well, you see... If 10 people including me were locked in a room, and one of us had to die so that the 9 others could live, I would give my life. Without question. Why? Because I'm like that. I won't be able to live with myself if someone else had to die for me. Why wasn't I the one to die for someone else? As a man, I won't be able to take it. I would honestly feel guilty forever. Especially when I had the choice.

So usually, in games you'll see me playing tanks. I'm the front man. I'm not the sneaky type. I'm quite direct. I'll take the blow for my team. A tanks job is to die so that the team-mates survive. That's why tanks suit me really well. Though now a days I'm playing different types of heroes.

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Ah, yes. I did mention I'm the extreme type, right?

For those of you who know me for a while now, you can see that when I became a fan of SNSD, I really go all out. Buy their merchandise, watch their videos almost everyday. Actually. I think its everyday lol. I even went to singapore by flight with friends and slept outside the stadium just to be in front of the line to see them. Go figure.

So what type of an SNSD fan am I?

I'm really the crazy type. Like crazy...... Some fans are the collectors type. They collect everything they can meticulously. I'm not so particular about what I own. I show them support verbally, by telling friends about them, sharing videos and photos. To the public. Even though people may say I'm doing too much of it. But hey, I'm not hurting anyone, so I don't see why I can't do so. People really need to lighten up. Sometimes they make certain things sound like a crime. Even though the real crimes are the one that need attention.

I'm not afraid to express it. Why should I? I will be myself. Even if people tell me not to. As long as I don't hurt anyone, it's totally fine to be myself. People should care more about themselves than others. Sometimes people comment too much about others, only to forget that no one is perfect. No one can fulfill your desires of seeing a perfect living human being. Perfection does not exist. It is only there to allow us to work towards it, but never to be achieved. I could go on and on about perfection so I'll just leave it at this.

in SNSD, there are 9 girls, and my favourite is brighter than gems Tiffany :)

Yeap, I love her to BITS. And I'm the loyal type. She'll always be my number one favourite in the group. There's no changing that. SNSD will always be my bias group as well. I won't change once I've decided on something. I'm stubborn/loyal in that way, depending on how you look at it. Life is all about perspectives, anyway, right? That's why people can look at the same thing and have likes and dislikes about it. Makes life really interesting, no?

Finally, even though I may be such a crazy fan, I am in a way, a mature fan. You know sometimes when you're so crazy over something, not everyone can understand why? Yeah, everyone is just different, that's all. The thing is, sometimes people keep wondering why I'm so crazy over them. Sometimes they even say mean things and I really did get hurt a few times. But you know what... After a few times, I realized, I should really not get mad at those comments. People just have a different perspective, and they can say what they want. It's up to me how I want to take it. I don't have to take it personally or in a hurtful manner. I have a choice. We always do. So I just learn to ignore it. Also, I start to think about the 9 girls. What will others think about them if I react negatively to such comments? I don't want to give a bad impression about SNSD, so I as a loyal fan, will NOT reply rudely to negative comments. It just makes the situation worse. Don't be immature. That's what I keep telling myself. It's one of the biggest challenges of being a fan. You have to control your emotions, so that you do not give your favourite idol group a bad name. If I were to reply, I'll be sure to make it sound proper and give the right image.

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When it comes to emotions, I can be really emotional. But I will try to hide it when I'm in public. But only when it comes to negative emotions like anger. I try not to show that I'm angry or unhappy. But usually people can sense it.

If I'm not cheerful like I usually am, then I'm probably feeling some negative emotions and trying to hide it, haha. When I'm at home, where I'm most comfortable, I tend to show it easily. So my family knows how I really am like. Lol. But I'm sure that's the case with most of us. At home and outside we're totally different. Haha, you know I'm right about that :)

Wow, I wrote a bunch of stuff huh?

I start to think, wow, I do know quite some things about myself. But there are loads more. I believe that we are ever expanding and growing. I think even in 6 months I might have changed a few times already. I'll be working and doing different things from now. Maybe I'm living outside?

Who knows? But as of now, I know at least this much about myself :) I hope you guys enjoyed reading. I think I missed a few important points, but I guess I can write again next time. No rush right? LOL!

Well, have a good night, and thanks, even though I think most people don't read this blog anymore HAHA! TATAAAA~! :DDDD

I Just Realized.... SNSD

Yah....

Honestly, I don't know why I'm blogging at this time. I hardly update

Was watching another SNSD video and I cried again

It started to make me think a lot

How I've changed, how it's easier for me to be emotional these days

In a good way of course

You know, most people still don't understand why I can be so involved in SNSD, in an emotional way.

Well, all I can say is I've never met any other 9 girls who could make me feel so touched! Really... I rarely cry. But I tear up easily whenever I watch touching videos of SNSD.

And these are 9 girls whom I don't know at all personally. When was the last time I cried for a girl I knew in person? It was ... a long time ago.

But these are 9 great girls.

You know what's the funny thing.

So many people keep wondering why I'm so crazy over SNSD and stuff.

But look, if you don't go crazy in life your not really living life.

Why live such a reserved life? Why don't you just be yourself and stop caring about what others think?

I love snsd! So what? Why do you care? Why can't you go and oggle over your own groups instead of wondering why I love them so much? My life must be so much more interesting if you're taking an interest in WHY I like my favourite girl group so much :)

Unless.... you don't have such a group that could make you feel the same way? Yes, honestly I pity you, but really, mind your own business.

Honestly, sometimes it's like I'm not even allowed to express how much I love them.

And I get so sick and tired of people who give me such remarks! So I just learn to ignore them. It's really not necessary to have haters cloud your view. Seriously.

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If you're still reading, then you're probably interested to know further.

And you're probably not a hater at all. No worries, my comments earlier was just directed to people who can't respect other people's own personal feelings.

Sometimes when people say mean things about snsd, i get hurt but I don't say anything in return.

You know why? Because I care about the 9 girls.

I would think... "would the girls want me to get angry over this?"

and I would also think... "i must keep the girls images, me as an SNSD fan cannot show a bad attitude towards haters..."

So usually I don't say anything. SO that's why I'm here, blogging in my own space. So I hope you guys understand why I'm letting it out here.

I believe I can be a more mature fan.

I believe I can be one of the best SONEs around

By putting their needs before mine when it comes to topics about them.

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Did you guys know how happy I am to come to know SNSD? It's like I don't even care if I'm single anymore. I love them! Whenever I feel sad I just turn on some SNSD videos and my sadness is GONE!

I'm supposed to be doing my assignments now, but after watching SNSD my worries are GONE! Though I should get back to doing it after this post.

Did you know? I actually always wanted to be more emotional, not in the bad way, but in the good way.

You don't get what I mean do you?

Well, dont you know how some people can be so... emotionless? Mostly guys, they are less emotional than girls, and I'm talking about the GOOD aspect of being emotional, not the bad aspects

Good aspects such as you know... feeling touched... feeling serenity... just feeling life man.

After watching those kind of amazing and touching stories about snsd and the troubles they faced, I couldn't help but feel touched.

I cried. I cried when tiffany talked about how she lost her mom at the age of 14, and how she was thankful to her mom and god that even though her mom is gone, she was left with 8 wonderful amazing sisters....

I cried when I saw their into the new world concert. In the song 'complete', there was a moment where the song stops. And they gather in a circle and pray in silence for 10 seconds.... It was so touching.. I'm tearing up now thinking about it...

I cried, when I was in singapore, on the second night, they sang the song 'into the new world'. I cried. I just cried. I let it all out. All my emotions out. I felt so........ so emotional. In a good way. I was happy. Girls' Generation made me feel this way. Me ,a guy who could not be emotional in a good way. I'm happy thanks to them that I could feel such amazingly wonderful emotions.

I don't cry much. Even when I'm sad. Unless I'm extremely extremely depressed. Last year I didn't cry much at all.

If you are, as curious as everyone else as to why I love them, you will understand if you watch enough SNSD videos, come to love them and be passionate about them, and just understand them. They are so amazing girls. I'm not the only one who says this. Ask the hundreds of thousands or millions of snsd fans. They'll tell you.

I'm sure we all have our favourite artists. Usually we just like them to a certain degree. But this, is a whole different level. This is actually getting involved in their story. Knowing as much about them as possible. Watching their videos whenever there's a new one.

It's different, its not just liking them. It's a real emotional connection.

I really can't tell you how it feels. It has to be felt for yourself

When the girls are having fun and laughing, I'm happy and I laugh along.

When the girls tell their sad stories, I cry too. I'm sad too.

When the girls are just being their funny dorky selves, me too, I become myself too, I express how much I love their personalities and dorkiness.

It's just an amazing experience

I hope that you too, have a favourite artist or group. It doesn't have to be SNSD, it can be any artist.

And I hope that you too can get involved in that artist's life, not just on a fan level, but on an emotional level as well. It's just so touching when you get so involved with them ,you know? There's no other feeling like it.

I don't expect anyone to understand just by reading this. As I mentioned, you HAVE to experience it for yourself.

I'm proud to be a SONE, and will Forever be a SONE.

Oh yes, I cried too when I watched fan made - videos about SNSD. It's really touching... I've said this about 10 times now aha... but yes, SNSD's story is so touching...

I thought only girls will cry when it comes to sad stuff. Usually it's the case, as a guy I will hold in my tears.

But not for SNSD. I let it flow.

Because that's how much I love them, and I want to have my honest feelings come out. I don't want to hold it in. I don't want to hide it. Why should I? Life is for living. Without emotions we'd just be mindless zombies.

So you. If you do not have such any group you idolize to an EMOTIONAL level, its alright. But do try. It's totally different once you have such an... obsession? Haha, no no, that's not the right word. It's not like it's something bad right? I ain't doing drugs or anything like that.

On the outside it seems like I'm obsessed with SNSD, but please, look further into the matter. Obsessed is a word used for immature people.

Meaning that if your husband or wife is obsessed with you, he or she is immature for not looking at the big picture and understanding your emotions.

So that's why, it may seem like I'm obsessed with them, but actually, I'm obsessed in a mature way, you could say. I can't find the right word for it, so 'obsessed in a mature way' will do for now.

So yeah, just wanted to get it off my chest. I feel better now after ranting. It feels good. Even though maybe less than 5 people will read this LOL. Can't blame you guys haha... This post is long and... I don't update my blog often. And I'm talking about something most people can't really relate too unless they have the same kind of .... experience.

Well, that's all for now, even if 1 person read this I'd be a happy man :)

Hope you enjoyed , and to you amazing reader for reading so far, thanks! Though maybe you just came here by accident and had nothing to do or you googled 'danny siah loves snsd' and got to this page, yeah... just another average day :)

TOODLES! :3