It's just one of those days where you feel motivated to write about something.
Have you ever wondered how much you understand yourself?
Lately, I've come to understand a few things about myself.
I'm starting to see myself more and more each year. Perhaps one day I'll fully grasp the concept of 'me'.
The first thing I noticed lately is that, I'm really the kind of guy who, gets excited over something very easily.
But because I get excited very easily, I also lose interest very easily.
So you'll find that in my history of my life, there are many unfinished projects. Things I wanted to do but never did.
Secondly, I'm the very extreme type. This means that I like to do things in extreme. For instance, I like food that is extremely spicy, sweet and salty. I just like things that have a very strong taste.
What I also mean by extreme is, when I do something, once I get focused on it, I don't stop. It's like momentum. For example, I'm the type that does projects last minute. That's why, once I start, I don't stop. I can keep doing it for 4-7 days. Or even longer, in my year 1 I think I spent an entire month not going out, just doing project at home. It's crazy I know. But that's who I am. I'm really not the type that does something and stops. Once I stop, I most of the time don't start again. So when I do something, I do it till the end.
So you see, sometimes I can go on a hiatus. You may see me going crazy over something, doing it over and over again for several days straight. It happened with climbing, badminton, games, so many more examples. But once I stop, I usually don't start again anymore.
In certain ways you can say it's like quitting. That's why this is one of my main concerns. My solution to it is to start and finish it without stopping. Like if I start a project, I must do it until the end with full focus without anything else disturbing me. That's my biggest challenge for this problem.
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What else have I discovered about myself?
Well, in relationships, I'm the type who is quite open-minded. I'm not that possessive of my partner. If I were to have one , that is. I will understand the boundaries. But because of this I may have some problem getting really close on a non-physical level to my spouse. I need to work harder in this aspect.
Also, I'm not the type who gets jealous that easily. I do get jealous, but only if its a very good reason to get jealous. I don't get jealous over small things that really aren't worth getting jealous about. So only for things that I feel is important to get jealous about. Oh yes, and I don't show my jealousy easily.
Ah yes, I also believe in respecting people who are in relationships. That is why, you will never see me try to get close to someone's girlfriend. Not in a little bit. I prefer to keep my distance. And I will never steal anyone's girlfriend. Ever. I'm really not that type. If I were to take someone's girl what does that make me? That's right. Also, if the girl really left another guy to be with me, are you sure that's really the type of girl you want to be with? She should make a clean breakup and perhaps wait for a few months or more before starting another relationship.
Also, if I were to go after a girl. I do it directly, but not in a very quick manner. I don't go and say "hey let's go on a date". I am the type who gets to know someone slowly first. Be friends first right? That's how I feel. When we're close enough things will happen naturally. Why rush it? Relationships are built based on stages. And it starts from friendship. Personally, it's how I think.
Another thing, when I do get rejected by a girl, I do feel sad, but I will let go of it. This applies for both direct rejecting or indirect rejection. Though until today, I've only been rejected indirectly, if I'm not mistaken. I do let it go, and I don't put any blame on the girl. Everyone has their freedom to choose who they want to be with. I mean, if someone doesn't love you in return it's really not right to force them to love you. So honestly, I'm the type where people can be direct with me. I'll accept the truth and move on. Simple as that. Don't worry about caring about my feelings. It would really hurt more if you lied to make me feel better. The truth hurts, but not as much as a lie. Because if you really cared about me, you know I deserve the truth. It's all I want.
One last thing about me when I'm in relationships.
I'm the monogamous type. What is monogamous? It means that you will only have one partner. Like you know, penguins are monogamous, once they find a partner they will stay together forever. Men in general are polygamous. They can have several women in their lives. By nature I should be polygamous, but I have a mind that can control my actions. So I am monogamous. I hope all guys out there will have the same mentality.
So in other words, I'm the loyal type. You won't see me two timing or cheating if I am in a relationship. That's just the type I am. If things don't work out I'll be sure to have a clean break up before moving on. We both deserve that much, I believe. If possible I'd want my first girlfriend to be my wife. So in a way I will be completely monogamous, having one partner throughout my lifetime. That's my ideal relationship life. Ya know?
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Also, when it comes to social life. I discovered one thing.
I'm not the type to get close to anybody. I have good friends, but never really best friends. I had really really good friends before, but never really onto the best friend level. If I had a best friend, then today we'd still be best friends. So... as of now I don't have one. I rest my case.
You never see me hang out with any particular gang. I'm usually one person walking around. It's like I can fit in anywhere, and I don't stay in one place for that long.
It's both good and bad. I never get too close to anyone. But because of that I also sometimes do feel alone. But not very severe case la, I'm still okay with it. It's just the feeling you know.... Sometimes when you have those regular friends you hang out with, I kind of want that feeling every once in a while. But deep down, I know I'm not the type who gets close to people easily. Some cases, if I'm too close I get uncomfortable. Then I will distance myself again.
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On life itself. I'd say I'm the type who is very sacrificial.
What do I mean? Well, you see... If 10 people including me were locked in a room, and one of us had to die so that the 9 others could live, I would give my life. Without question. Why? Because I'm like that. I won't be able to live with myself if someone else had to die for me. Why wasn't I the one to die for someone else? As a man, I won't be able to take it. I would honestly feel guilty forever. Especially when I had the choice.
So usually, in games you'll see me playing tanks. I'm the front man. I'm not the sneaky type. I'm quite direct. I'll take the blow for my team. A tanks job is to die so that the team-mates survive. That's why tanks suit me really well. Though now a days I'm playing different types of heroes.
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Ah, yes. I did mention I'm the extreme type, right?
For those of you who know me for a while now, you can see that when I became a fan of SNSD, I really go all out. Buy their merchandise, watch their videos almost everyday. Actually. I think its everyday lol. I even went to singapore by flight with friends and slept outside the stadium just to be in front of the line to see them. Go figure.
So what type of an SNSD fan am I?
I'm really the crazy type. Like crazy...... Some fans are the collectors type. They collect everything they can meticulously. I'm not so particular about what I own. I show them support verbally, by telling friends about them, sharing videos and photos. To the public. Even though people may say I'm doing too much of it. But hey, I'm not hurting anyone, so I don't see why I can't do so. People really need to lighten up. Sometimes they make certain things sound like a crime. Even though the real crimes are the one that need attention.
I'm not afraid to express it. Why should I? I will be myself. Even if people tell me not to. As long as I don't hurt anyone, it's totally fine to be myself. People should care more about themselves than others. Sometimes people comment too much about others, only to forget that no one is perfect. No one can fulfill your desires of seeing a perfect living human being. Perfection does not exist. It is only there to allow us to work towards it, but never to be achieved. I could go on and on about perfection so I'll just leave it at this.
in SNSD, there are 9 girls, and my favourite is brighter than gems Tiffany :)
Yeap, I love her to BITS. And I'm the loyal type. She'll always be my number one favourite in the group. There's no changing that. SNSD will always be my bias group as well. I won't change once I've decided on something. I'm stubborn/loyal in that way, depending on how you look at it. Life is all about perspectives, anyway, right? That's why people can look at the same thing and have likes and dislikes about it. Makes life really interesting, no?
Finally, even though I may be such a crazy fan, I am in a way, a mature fan. You know sometimes when you're so crazy over something, not everyone can understand why? Yeah, everyone is just different, that's all. The thing is, sometimes people keep wondering why I'm so crazy over them. Sometimes they even say mean things and I really did get hurt a few times. But you know what... After a few times, I realized, I should really not get mad at those comments. People just have a different perspective, and they can say what they want. It's up to me how I want to take it. I don't have to take it personally or in a hurtful manner. I have a choice. We always do. So I just learn to ignore it. Also, I start to think about the 9 girls. What will others think about them if I react negatively to such comments? I don't want to give a bad impression about SNSD, so I as a loyal fan, will NOT reply rudely to negative comments. It just makes the situation worse. Don't be immature. That's what I keep telling myself. It's one of the biggest challenges of being a fan. You have to control your emotions, so that you do not give your favourite idol group a bad name. If I were to reply, I'll be sure to make it sound proper and give the right image.
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When it comes to emotions, I can be really emotional. But I will try to hide it when I'm in public. But only when it comes to negative emotions like anger. I try not to show that I'm angry or unhappy. But usually people can sense it.
If I'm not cheerful like I usually am, then I'm probably feeling some negative emotions and trying to hide it, haha. When I'm at home, where I'm most comfortable, I tend to show it easily. So my family knows how I really am like. Lol. But I'm sure that's the case with most of us. At home and outside we're totally different. Haha, you know I'm right about that :)
Wow, I wrote a bunch of stuff huh?
I start to think, wow, I do know quite some things about myself. But there are loads more. I believe that we are ever expanding and growing. I think even in 6 months I might have changed a few times already. I'll be working and doing different things from now. Maybe I'm living outside?
Who knows? But as of now, I know at least this much about myself :) I hope you guys enjoyed reading. I think I missed a few important points, but I guess I can write again next time. No rush right? LOL!
Well, have a good night, and thanks, even though I think most people don't read this blog anymore HAHA! TATAAAA~! :DDDD
