Growth

I realized something about myself.

That time when I was younger in secondary school, I was a quiet boy.

And it was in college where I really became the noisy sanguine I am now.

It's just really unexpected. From a quiet boy to a noisy boy who is crazy and loud.

But, I also realize now, that my other trait has not fully revealed itself yet.

I'm actually very stubborn. And I can be really unreasonable at times.

But it doesn't show when I'm in college. The same way my noisiness and talkativeness did not show when I was in high school.

I also realize that, I really lack that stubbornness and firmness that is required to be a good leader.

I do have it, but I only show it at home. At college, I tend to give in and be too lenient. Why? It shouldn't be that way.

I don't wish to instill fear into anybody. I don't want people to say "I'm scared of Danny Siah, so I'll do what he says"

I want people to say "Out of respect I shall do what Danny Siah told me to do"

But I don't know. Things just get really confusing when too many things are going on at once. And it is hard for me to organize myself. God I hate it when I'm like that.

Everything is just so messy... I wish I could have a clean white board and start over. Argh.

But life has no reset button. We know this. No re-runs no retries. There is a game over though.

Sometimes I really wonder if what I'm doing is right. Then again there isn't really any right or wrong.

I just want my mind to be clear and know where I'm headed. But it's... so messy right now.

They say you have to be patient. Ya know? And I may be too hasty sometimes. But I know all too well, that in order to plan things well you can't be hasty. The waiting just kills me.

But if you want things to go well you have to slowly plan stuff out. A tree takes hundreds of years to grow into something strong and sturdy.

At the very start, it is only a newborn sprout, weak, no foundation, and easily crumbled.

And you cannot quicken this growth into adulthood for the sprout. It will take hundreds of years. No short cut.

And the same goes with any organization. I feel like... it really will take years before an organization can fully become strong.

So it made me start to wonder. Maybe all this excess energy is pointless? Maybe I should just focus... On making the most of this time period, to enjoy ourselves? Instead of just PUSHING the growth all the way. Because it WILL take a long time. To become a fully sturdy organization.

It can't be done within a year. But what can be done, is that I can make sure everyone enjoys their time. While it lasts. And lately I'm starting to think not everyone is really enjoying themselves.

What am I doing? It's so hard. I'm just so worried. I don't ever really know if I get enough sleep nowadays. Maybe I should just try to be happy? And not worry so much?

Maybe I do try too hard. Maybe I should just.... yeah... have fun with all of them.

So. I wonder if. Things will be okay in the end. It'll be okay. I'm actually not doing so bad. Just that maybe my focus is off right now.

Okay okay let me just do this and I'll be fine

*(#$*@)#*)!@*#)(@)(!#*)(!%*!@#$*)()(#!)$*)(!*%(*!&$*&!*$&!@#&*(&*#&@*#)*!@)$(*)(!*$)(*)#$*)@(#!)(*)(*@#(*$(*@*#_(*!)$!)#@*$)(!@*#()*)#*)#)*@#)(*!@#!*@#)*!@)#*!)($*!@)#*)!$*&#$*(#@!&$*&@*$(&#@*$&)*#(&$@#&$(*@&$(*&$*(&(*&(&$($&(*$&(*@&#($*&!)*($&@)($&!)($!&*$!*#&~!!!!!

Okay much better now. Haha XD Keep things simple silly! =)

Ive still so much to learn. And it's time to get learning.

Nitez peeps =)