In the Dead of the Night

DEAD

Is exactly how I feel now. But I'm here blogging

It's funny.. I told my friend I would sleep, but... Here I am =)

Well, a lot of times in life were hypocrites anyway, so I'm forgiven this once, right? =)

I just had to express a few stuff about what happened the last few days

Thursday night, I attended a Mist Club event, held by my college, called Party Night with miss KBU

You know what? When I was dressing up, I just couldn't find the right choice of clothes. Everything I wore looked either bad or too normal. That's so not me! I took out formal shirt after formal shirt... THEN

I remembered. I had. A white. Jacket.!!!!!!!!

I haven't used it since last year. Man.. The things in our closet that we forget XD

AND that jacket went so well with my white skin tight pants!! =)))

And I wore a black formal shirt, with a black vest, the vest helped make my upper body more suitably matched with the lower portion , somehow =)))

Then I was like.. hmmmmmmmmm. I should definitely wear a tie..... something that goes with black and white......... red-DEFINITELY GREEEN~!!!! =)))

Yeah, so I had at least 3 people told me I looked like elvis presley XD

WHICH IS A COMPLIMENT OKAY STOP LAUGHING.

We hit the club, and after introducing all the miss KBU contestants, we started warming up the dance floor

ANDDDDDDD IT WAS DEFINITELY UNBELIEVABLY INCREDIBLY UNIMAGINABLY IMPOSSIBLY ONE HELLUVAAAA NIGHTTTTT =)))

Why? The DJ was aweseome =) the emcees were great =))) but most of all

We had fun. It's that simple =)

But for me, the reason why I had a great night was not just because of the music and friends etc

It was because in that place, I was around people, people who I can be myself with

That is, so important to me. More than anything.

Maybe in those days, I never saw the importance of friends. Because I was always alone, and I learnt to be alone, and bear with it. And eventually I got used to it.

Lately though, there are a few people who I became close to, and are important in my life. And I read of stories about friendship. How people really value their friends. I never really put much thought into it until now.

Around people those days, I was quiet, I could never be myself, I could never express myself, freely. I felt so caged, so locked, so lost. I really didn't understand why people around me couldn't accept me.

But to be totally honest, a part of me still feels afraid to be vulnerable to those close friends. It was probably because I had bad experiences with friends in those days. What if I got hurt again? What if I became a burden to them? Or if someday, they just, don't really care anymore? Probably is what goes on in the back of my mind

It's probably what holds me back most of the times, and it explains why, when I meet new people I don't immediately open up to them.

And sometimes, friends can't help but end up hurting one another, it's inevitable that humans make mistakes. Sometimes too late before they realize it.

But yesterday, was different =) I felt happy that I could dress up out of the ordinary, party like crazy, and dance like a monkey. And I don't even feel like there's really any reason to stop. Well, you watched step up 3, and they say dance is how you express yourself. Everyone's way of expressing themselves is different, and how they look at dance is different. It doesn't matter whether or not you can dance, when you dance it's still dancing.

So why hold back? Why not just dance your heart out? Live life. Express all that is kept and held within. You want to swing your arms? Do it. You want to lie on the dance floor? Do it. You want to just go crazy on the dance floor? Do it.

I did all 3 by the way =) I even went up on stage ahah!! First time the bouncer came and told me to get down. Looks like the stage is only reserved for girls. Second time was because a few friends of mine, went up the stage. And they pulled me up. THEN the bouncer came again and told me to get down. AHAHAA, my friends =) always getting me into trouble

there was even once I just out of a sudden while dancing, I dropped my back down to the floor and lifted both my legs up in the air and started air-cycling (kicking legs in air). It was crazyyyyyyyy =))) but it definitely felt good. And in my mind, I wasn't thinking about what others would think, I was just thinking about being happy and doing what I wanted to do ^^

Expression is everything. I can't live happily if I'm restricted from expressing myself. That was why it was a pretty good night for me =))) I enjoyed.

YOU KNOW WHAT!? Even after that, I went to the mamak. Ordered water and shared, and some milk =) did you know the susu ais in mamak's are sweet? Love it =) but a bit fattening la... its worth paying rm1.50 for it IMO XD

During the mamak my friend held the video cam up, and asked me, how are you feeling?

Without thinking. I just said. "I feel AWESOME!" and I poured the rest of the ice water in my cup onto my head.

AND I REALLY FELT AWESOME AFTER DOING THAT!!! It was. Simply. Freedom of expression =) Doing something you feel like doing. Letting your heart speak for itself.

My friends thought I was crazy of course! Haha! Maybe!! But I was also, expressing myself freely =) and I believe everyone should.

I went home. I had a bathe. I went to bed =) But I didn't really sleep well!

And yesterday, friday night, I slept quite late, was chatting up a friend about important things =))) today, woke up LATE. Arrived 30 mins later, had a rehearsal to attend in college

I was SO dead since this morning... Clubbing literally killed me, I didn't get much sleep that day and yesterday aha!!

Man, my body is retaliating against me now for blogging. But my heart wants to. I must express myself, It's a need , not just for me, but everyone =)

After the grand opening rehearsal, we went to pizza hut ,about 15 of us

And yeah! the maldivian friends I have, they did mixed this incredibly crazy drink, its called TABASCOKE. rofl! Coke + cheese + mushroom soup + tabasco + pepper + I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE ROFL

ANd they drank it! Cuz they felt like doing it! That's freedom of expression XD and they had fun. But I dont know at what consequence though! haha! And sheng khang was the man la~! His words after drinking tabascoke..... "DAYUMMMMMMMMMMM~!!!!" RORLFMAO~! haha he's a pretty funny guy =)))

After that, went to fetch ruveena from the bus stop. Then fetched zaaina to taman tun, angus and vicky to lrt station. Then brought ruveena to my house, cuz I had to get back and change.

And she saw my doggy~!! She says he's cute too~! =)))

Yeah, he's pretty cute~! After that... I got changed, I didn't even bathe, no time... After I got changed, ruv said I looked good... ROFL~! I didn't expect that at all XD

And off we went to the installation dinner in Royal Club Selangor

TO BE HONEST, I didn't REALLY enjoy the place, with the exception of the food XD Why?

Because I couldn't totally be myself =) That's always, what's important for me =) You know, you have to shake hands with everyone, and act all formal, and that's totally just not me, I'm a playful guy who just loves to joke around and make people laugh XD

People who meet me there at the dinner must think I'm a serious guy! Ahhhh, oh well =) I couldn't really express myself freely

And I officially became the prawn peeler. For ruveena LOL!!! Enjoyed peeling the prawns for her =)))

BUT YOU KNOW ONE FUNNY THING HAPPENED.

I went to toilet to wash hand, cause I knew the next dish would be prawns. So I want to wash to get ready to peel mah.

Then then, I went back to the dining room. Then suddenly Mr Roland approach me... "DANNY! Doing a fine job eh? " THEN HE FRIGGGING SHOOOK MY HAND!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

YES

HE

SHOOK

MY

HAND

HIS

HAND

SHOOK

MANY

OTHER

PEOPLE'S

HAND

!!!!!!!!!

lmao.... SO I went back to my seat... AND STARTED PEELING PRAWNS ANYWAY I HOPE I DONT GET A FRIGGING STOMACH ACHE TMR ROFLMAO!!!

I'm sure the prawns tasted better =))) you know they say dirty things taste better ^^

Maybe that's y mei hwei didn't want any of my prawns..... SHE PROBABLY WAS SCARED LOL!! HAHAHAHAH~!! but mei hwei~ It was my hand peeled prawns T_T HOW COULD YOU NOT EAT THEM?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

And heyyyy, I didn't fully graspy my hand la~ When he shook it~ my finger tips were still clean~!

Then, after dinner, fetched ruv home, and here I am once again =)))

Back home ^^ ahhh, what a day.. Tmr i'm climbing too...

I still believe

I'm still not brave enough to open up fully. To the few close friends I have. A part of me is still probably scared. But in time I'll learn to be able to express myself better, more freely, perhaps, so I don't have to be someone else in front of people I don't know anymore. And at certain times, my close friends too =)

Everyday. I think. It's a challege to ourselves. To become better, one way or another.

And eventhough now I still am unable to fully express myself, I'm still glad, I'm given a chance to be better, and well, maybe, I did improve a little bit in that area, compared to my old self =) 6 months ago, i wouldn't have expected my life to be like this right now.

6 months is a lot of time.

6 months from now, what would I be like? Where would I be? Will I be happy where I am?

You must wonder too.

p.s. actually ... before peeling the prawns... I didn't really wash my hands with soap... just water ROFL!!!!!! ahhhhhhh, im a dirty dirty boy =))) and i have some nail too =)

la la laaaaaaaa~~~~~~~!! ^^

p.p.s I must be crazy for pushing my body like this XD