Life is for Living

I just finished reading a book

Have I said I'm starting to be in love with books nowadays?

After finishing it, I had tingling sensations inside. Life really is worth living

I haven't been honest with myself lately.

I'm the one making myself feel rejected. Ah, what a fool I am!

The book was a story about how a working woman, had to deal with so many life conflicts.

Came a guy who brightened up her life and thought her how to live life with his child-like ways.

Sometimes having fun just means being a child again.

But she could only see him for a short period of time.

He would disappear after a few months, but she did not know that

Once he has helped her, he must move on to help another person, and hence she no longer sees him. He disappears.

It was a really great romance story.

Surprised that I read romance books? Yeah, I've started to take a real interest into them =) It's really great.

Even after he was gone, his memories still remain.

How he made her smile again, when everyday for her was just work, problems and unhappiness.

And it was as simple as being true to yourself.

After I read the last page, it made me feel, maybe I'm not being truthful to me either.

But how? In my situation, it's not easy to be honest.... With how I feel.

It's been so long since I liked a girl

It's easy to like someone, I realized. But to love someone, that's a whole different story

I wonder if I loved? I don't know for sure. Maybe. Maybe not.

But I respect people who make decisions.

I place that respect over anything else.

If I am unable to be a friend, then I will lose that feeling and then come back to be a friend

That is why, until then, I must stay away.

To forget. Then once I'm okay again, I shall return. To be a friend again.

Otherwise it will just get in the way. So that is why. Though it is really not easy, but I know I can do it.

I still hope to be friends. So that is why I must forget.

Breathe.

It's possible. I can do it. I've done it before. For the sake of the friendship.

Even if people tell me, it's not possible to not care for someone you've cared for before

I know I can do it, because it's all in the mind. I have to keep trying. Do my best. And do what it takes.

I've been looking for things to keep me distracted. I've finished playing mass effect 2 (about 60 hours of gameplay)

I feel like I'm just avoiding myself, and my emotions. It hasn't worked that well for me. And there is work to be done as well soon.

That cold exterior that I put on me. I'm just really crying out for help. Before I erase this and go back to my cold self. I must at least put this down in writing without regrets

Every single letter I type, I feel like deleting. A part of me doesn't want me to be honest with myself. Even though to me honesty is so important. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so guilty about myself.

Come on dan... you gotta smile. You gotta get back up again. You can be friends again. It's still possible. Right?

What's this? Giving up already? Since when are you the kind of guy who quits? Your not like those people who give up half way and just justify themselves by criticizing others faults.

That's... right... I'm not a quitter. Quitters never win. It's those who do not quit when they feel like quitting, who really make it in life. Where everyone else turns back, you still move on without looking back.

That's what I should be like.

And in the end...

I'm sure

I'll find somone

to love

because I too wish to be loved as badly as any other human being on the planet

I'll be

sure to love

that person

back.

Because I know what it's like to be unloved.

And I don't blame anyone for me being unloved. It is me closing myself off to everyone else. It's just how I brought myself up. I really need to change that.

5 years. As long as I keep my focus on that goal. I will be fine. Only less than 2000 days away. I can't wait =)

It's something to look forward to.

Can you imagine living life without a purpose? Without a goal?

It's like your just in life to survive

People can survive, but I want to LIVE life.

So that's why I create my own purposes.

Find my own reason to live. Not just to survive. But to understand life. Live it. Find happiness

Now that I know I'll be married in 5 years

I have something to really look forward to =)

People often wonder

Will it really happen? 5 years? Will you really get married by then?

My answer

If you believe you can walk there, you can walk there. If you believe you can't, then you can't.

Tell me, can you really step out of your house if you don't believe it's possible?

What if I told you there are armed robbers outside the house planning to kill you?

You no longer believe.

It's so simply to kill someone's belief. Just tell them they can't do it.

But don't let it happen to you. Equip yourself with the skills and the attitude, and breakthrough

Otherwise you'll be in the house your whole life not knowing when it's ever safe to come out

It'll never be safe. Until you believe. When you believe you'll find ways to make it happen

Outside, there never were robbers, it's just what people tell you.

Even if it wasn't true, you BELIEVED them.

Your life is determined by what you believe in. Them? Or yourself?

When people tell you you can't do it, you BELIEVE them. And really! you really can't do it.

So that is why, I believe. In 5 years time. It will happen. Several months after my 25th birthday.

It'll happen.

.
.
.
.

Hmmm!!

I feel a little better, I guess being honest helps =) But I still think I can be more honest.

Just a matter of time =)

HAHA! It's strange, sometimes you feel like you are a stranger to yourself.

Books are really great. Did I say that they are the best investments I have ever made?

Oh, but this romance book was from a friend =) We have traded books! I need to thank her again when I see her =)

I borrowed her 1 book, and she borrowed me 3! Can you imagine! So generous of her! XD I still have 2 more books to read. Can't wait!

Things can be in your control. But I shall probably talk about that another day. I need rest today =)

I've had a long day finishing mass effect 2 . GREAT GAME! Can't wait for mass effect 3. It's gonna be UBER awesoemmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! XD

Oh yes! Since I'm feeling happier now, I have a song I like! =D It's called

"All You Wanted" by Michelle Branch =))))))



I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

=)